


Too Old For This Shit

by felisblanco



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPF, CW Network RPF, Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-07-27
Updated: 2006-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-09 23:39:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/459784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felisblanco/pseuds/felisblanco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a CW party and what the fuck is he doing here?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Old For This Shit

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if Jared Padalecki even watched Buffy, he was barely even old enough when it started. *g* But for the fun of it, lets say he was a big fan. Thanks to [](http://menomegirl.livejournal.com/profile)[**menomegirl**](http://menomegirl.livejournal.com/) for giving it a quick beta. *smooch* (As you can see I went with a slightly less sophisticated title. *g*)

James lifted the bottle and tipped it to take a sip, fighting the urge to bang it against his forehead instead. The beer was warm and tasted like piss which just made the whole thing even more unbearable and for the hundredth time he wondered what the fuck he was doing there.

Yeah okay, so he'd been invited and it only seemed polite to accept, especially since he'd only been to a couple of get togethers since the beginning of the season. And this was the last one before hiatus and he didn't even know if he'd be coming back and... well, free booze. Who says no to free booze? Even bad booze.

And to tell the truth he'd missed this, being part of a team. Hanging out, unwinding after a particularly hard day with beer and pizza and maybe a joint or two if that's what it took. Sharing stories of crazed fangirls and takes gone wrong, slapping each other's shoulders and whispering into drunken ears confessions that no one remembered the next day.

Like with Tony. They'd bonded right away on Buffy. He'd spent more nights than he could remember playing Tony's guitar in his trailer, listening to him sing and wishing he had half of his talent. Practising Spike's accent and laughing at Tony's exasperated look as he tried to teach him to say 'poof' properly. A futile effort to the very end. And on Angel it had been even better because the guys were closer to his age, not crawling with what were basically college kids, and he hadn't felt as left out. And of course there had been David...

James brushed that thought aside for the time being and looked around.

The thing about these set parties was that they tended to blend together with other sets. And the CW network consisted mainly of teenage shows cast with... well, maybe not teenagers but close enough. It was like the seventh season of Buffy all over again except instead of giggling girls there were loud and obnoxious boys thinking they were God's gift to women and men alike, trying to prove it by behaving like brainless idiots. Which again deserved the question of what the fuck was he doing here?

The first Friday after he joined the Smallville cast Tom and Mike had practically begged him to go out with them to some bar they apparently frequented. And he'd been more than happy to oblige. He could use a drink and he could always use friends and these kids might be a bit younger than his usual crowd but you're only as old as you feel, right? And frankly he didn't feel older than 29 most days. As long as the mirrors were small and the light not too bright.

And it had been fun. They'd shot pool and drunk beer and at some point he'd found himself sitting with Tom Welling at a table sticky with spilt beer and Tommy's girly cocktails, talking about hooking up with fan girls at conventions and some shit like that when Tom had suddenly smiled drunkenly and said, “You know, man, Spike was so cool. When I first saw him, you, I was like 'Shit, he's so cool.'”

He'd tried to look cool himself even if he'd felt pride tugging at the corner of his mouth, making him grin like an idiot. “Yeah, well. Vampire, man. That's never uncool.”

“Yeah but you, you man, you made him cool.” Tommy's eyes had been sparkling with awe and for a moment James had thought the boy was gonna lean over and kiss him. Instead Tommy'd taken another sip of his pink drink and said, “You know, my mom had such a crush on you.”

The beer he'd been about to swallow forced its way back up and he'd coughed, eyes watering.

Totally oblivious Tommy'd grinned at him, eyes shining. “And here you are, almost ten years later and look at you. I can only wish to look that good when I'm reaching fifty.”

“I'm not-!” He'd suddenly felt fifty and more and quickly drained his beer before getting up. “I should head home.”

Drunken eyes had blinked up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Not as young as I used to be. Need my beauty sleep.”

He'd been going for sarcastic but it was lost on the clueless youth who'd just nodded and said absolutely serious, “Yeah. Appreciate you hanging out with us, you know. The other old guys never do anymore.”

He'd simply nodded back and left, curling his hands into fist to keep them from strangling the kid.

Apart from a couple of cocktail parties and grabbing a beer once or twice with John who played Papa Kent he'd kept his distance, arguing that it was better to feel lonely than feeling old.

Until now.

It had started out okay, he'd chatted with John and some of the stunts and extras, then shot a few games of pool with Rosenbaum, who at least was one he didn't have to compete with in terms of thinning hair. The guy played a wicked game of pool and was a show off to the point of being a jerk but who wasn't in this business? It beat going home early once again.

But then the music had changed and within half an hour Mike's house more or less emptied, as everyone of a respectable age hurried to leave. Then the girls left to go to some dance club and he found himself suddenly alone with what seemed to be a couple of brain damaged teenagers. Or on their way to becoming brain damaged, he thought as he coughed his way through the cloud of smoke that had nothing to do with tobacco.

“You know, I should...”

“Dude, you're so not leaving. Mike, tell him he can't leave.” Tommy's arm was heavy on his shoulder, looming over him like some damn giant.

Mike looked up at him through a smoked haze where he lounged on the couch and nodded lazily. “Yeah, stay. Jared's dying to meet you.” He grinned. “I think he's got a crush.”

He frowned. “Who?”

Tom burst out laughing. “Man, wait until I tell him that. Jared from Supernatural. They're coming over. Should have been here already but I guess him and Jenny had another drama fight.”

He was getting more confused by the minute. “Jenny's his girlfriend?”

That got him another giggle fit from Tom. Mike smirked and said, “Oh yeah.” His cell phone rang and he fished it out of his pocket before flipping it open.

“Hey, asshole. Where the fuck are you guys?” He frowned when something that sounded like a string of obscenities responded. As the rambling went on he rolled his eyes and cut the guy off. “Just get your ass over here.” He closed the phone on what sounded like another rush of swearing and leaned back. “They're on their way. Jare is pissed cos Jen brought his boy.” He tilted his head and gave James a small smirk. “Old friend of yours actually.”

This was starting to feel like an episode from Twilight Zone. “Jenny and Jared have a son?”

Obviously he was being way funny tonight because both boys collapsed in a fit of giggles, laughing until they gasped for breath. He'd appreciate being let in on the joke though. Finally he grabbed the joint from Mike and waved it in front of them.

“Boys, shut the fuck up and just tell me who's coming so I can decide whether to leave you assholes here, smoking your brains out or go home to have the sleep this old body deserves.”

After waiting a few minutes for the hysterics to die down he thought, to hell with it, and put the joint to his lips, inhaling deeply. He still didn't get the joke but at least this way he wouldn't care.

“Okay, okay.” Mike waved that he could keep the joint, fetching another from behind his ear. “Jared and Jensen, they're like the network's new wonderboys. Making women wet themselves all over the world.”

Tom snorted. “Man, that's such crap.”

“Shut up, Tommy boy. You're just jealous because they managed to find someone taller than your giant gorgeousness. And we all know you want to hump Jenny.”

Tommy glared at Mike and snatched the now lit joint from his hand. “One day he'll kill you for calling him that. Only one who can and lives to see another day is Chris.”

James could feel the mellowness that had slowly been settling in his stomach twist uncomfortably. “Chris?”

“Chris Kane. Your old buddy from Angel.” Mike grinned, actually winking at him.

Time to go. “Think I'll save it for another time.”

He got out of his chair and was halfway to the door - the boys offering him beer (Tom) and blowjobs (Mike) if he stayed - when the door burst open and he stepped back to avoid the drunken stampede.

He recognised Jensen from last year's Smallville and felt a bit stupid for not making the connection. Not like it was such a common name. He had to be more drunk than he thought. The guy, who was way too pretty for his own good, shot James a gorgeous smile, eyes twinkling, that made his knees shake and his cock twitch, before stalking into the kitchen, a barrel of beer over his shoulder.

Before he even had time to say hi he was swooped up in a bear-hug that had the air rushing out of him and the alcohol threatening to burst out of his bladder.

“Dude! I can't believe you're here! I've been wanting to see you forever! Shit man, why didn't you tell me he was here?”

The last line was directed at Mike who just grinned at him. “Surprise?”

“Hell yeah, surprise!” The crazy smiling giant threw an arm around James' shoulder and drew him in tight. “Man, I love your work. You're like the coolest vampire ever. Our vampires were totally lame. I mean, they fucked up all the lore too. Why do people always fuck with vampire lore?”

“Um, Jare? I think you're choking him.” A couple of familiar blue eyes came into James' distorted vision, crinkling with amusement. “Hey, Jimmy.”

“It's James,” he managed with a strangled voice and then he was finally able to breathe again as Jared stalked over to the couch to punch Mike on the arm, still grinning like a maniac. Violence seemed to be these guys' way of showing affection or something. Personally he preferred a firm handshake and maybe some back slapping.

“So... how the fuck are you, man?”

James turned back to Chris who was still watching him with that smug smile that made him want to punch his face in. “Good. I'm good. Been doing this Smallville thing and... stuff.”

“I know that, moron. I mean, how're _you_ doing?” Chris studied him. “He ever call you?”

“Who?” Fuck. “No. Yeah. Sometimes.” New Years Eve. Drunk message on his voicemail. 'Fuck you, Jim. Fuck you for doing this to me.' Since then, nothing.

“Uhuh. Right.” Chris took a sip of his beer, his gaze running down James' body and up again. The smile was disturbing. “He looks the shit, yeah? Should have seen him at that barbecue Jaime held the other day. All fucking muscles and tan these days.”

Oh great. Here, have a knife. Want me to turn around to make it even easier for you? “Yeah?”

“Uhuh. Fuck yeah.” Chris licked his lips, catching a drop of beer from the upper right corner then spreading it over his lower lip in one slick run.

Fuck. As soon as James realised he was staring he looked away, but it was too late, Chris' smirk was back, even smugger than before.

“Talked to him yesterday. Told him I was probably gonna tag along to this party and might run into you.”

“Yeah?” James wasn't sure whether to be more worried about his lack of vocabulary or the potential heart attack he'd have if it kept on beating like this.

“Oh yeah.” Chris pursed his lips. “Man, you two really fucked up, didn't you?”

Fuck you. “Nice to see you too, Chris. But-”

“He said he might drop by.”

Okay, that was it. His heart stopped. “What?”

The fucker tilted his head, all devilish innocence. “But if you're leaving...”

 _Yes! Now! I'm getting the fuck out of here before..._ “Who said anything about leaving?” _What? Jim, what the fuck are you doing?_

Chris smirked and lifted his bottle. “No one. No one at all.”

\-------------------

So here he was, half an hour later, and he felt even more stupid. For one thing Dave was still not there and for all he knew this was just Chris' idea of a joke, which meant Dave wasn't coming at all. And secondly everyone was getting way too high and way too... intimate.

Jared had sat down next to him and was talking with creepy enthusiasm about his favourite Spike moments on Buffy, his large hand constantly squeezing James' shoulder as if he wanted to be sure he was really there. Then he started to rub the short hairs in James' neck in a way that was anything but buddy-like, but James wasn't really sure how it was meant, since the guy kept glancing in the direction of the kitchen from where Chris and Jensen could be heard laughing and talking way too quietly for it to be about sports. But intentional or not, it was doing strange things to James' already fogged brain and he found himself leaning closer to Jared's tall and gangly body. He smelled good. And his nose was like... huge. And those had to be the whitest teeth in Hollywood history.

It was all nice and mellow until he looked over to see Tom and Mike kissing on the other side of the room. Jesus! When did that happen?

“There they go.” Jared's breath was hot in his ear and James froze. “Mike will fuck anything on two legs, you know. You should watch out for him.”

“Uh?” Not exactly eloquent but considering the hand now sliding up his thigh, he thought it was pretty good.

“Yeah. You wanna make out?”

“Erm... Listen. I...”

“Jared, stop molesting the poor man and go talk to your boy. He's fucking crying in the kitchen, asshole.”

“What? What the fuck did you do to him?” Jared was up like a shot, only swaying slightly as gravity pondered whether to keep him upright or topple him over like a giant beanstalk. His face had gone from lust to livid worry in two seconds flat. “Jen?”

James sighed with relief and watched the boy stumble on drunken legs across the living room before giving Chris an appreciative nod. “He's really crying?”

“Nah. He's spacing out over some damn nature program on the fucking Discovery Channel. Puppies or pandas or whatever.”

Chris flung himself down on the couch, beer dangling between his sprawled legs. “That boy is prettier than any girl I know, but ain't nothing gonna make him cry like one.” He paused. “Except maybe the damn Mavs losing. Or Jared crushing his balls with one of those giant hands of his. Fucking freak.”

He gave James a grin. “You're lucky I saved your own balls just now. I'm serious, grip like a fucking vice and he doesn't even notice until you're either blue in the face or coming all over his hand.” At James' surprised look he added, “Or so Jenny says, the little bitch.”

Chris grinned and James couldn't help the smile sneaking to his own lips. Chris slapped his thigh playfully and pulled a joint out of the breastpocket of his shirt, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively at James who shook his head in amusement but still didn't say no when Chris handed it over to him, smoke trailing out of his nostrils. Soon they were chuckling, sharing old WB war stories and the joint, rolling their eyes at the porn being played out across the room as well as the noises coming from the kitchen.

“Is it just me or are we getting too old for this shit?”

Chris dismissed this with a wave. “Man, you're not old. You're just... experienced. Been there, done that, and now you're ready to move the fuck on. You know?”

James nodded. In a way he did.

“You were doing this shit while they were still in high school, grad school, whatever.” Chris frowned. “Except Mike but I don't expect he'll ever grow up.”

“He's older?”

“A bit. Still ten years your junior.”

James sighed. “Still ten years my junior.” He shook his head and looked over at the couple that was getting more naked by the minute, having moved on from kissing to full on make out on the couch. “Tom's mother has a crush on me.”

“Oh man, that's harsh. He fucking told you that?” Chris laughed. “They probably see you as a father figure. Daddy James.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Of course, if Jared does, he has some serious issues. Considering he was drooling all over you.”

“Shut up, Chris.” He shook his head in amusement, then flinched at the sound of something breaking loudly in the kitchen, but Chris didn't even turn his head. “Is it always like this?”

“Like what?”

“These young ones, they just do this? Making out with just about anyone? When did Hollywood become so tolerant?”

Chris studied him for a moment. Then he leaned over and kissed James softly on the lips. He didn't even think, just kissed back until Chris pulled away, watching him again.

“What was that for?”

“This ain't Hollywood, Jimmy. This is us. And we can do whatever we fucking want here. These guys?” Chris swept his arm around the room. “They won't tell. You ever see them doing anything like this on set? Hell no, because that's not how it works. You come out, you're thrown out, flat on your fucking ass. But here? No one cares and no one's telling. That's just the way it is.”

James frowned. “So they're all gay? Don't they have girlfriends? And even wives?”

Chris chuckled. “Jimmy, come on. You should know better than anyone. It ain't black and white like that. You work together, close like this, 24/7 for months on end, things happen. Half the time I doubt they even remember they're all guys.”

James smiled. “Kinda hard to forget when there're two dicks.”

“There's that.” Chris chuckled before his face turned serious again. “You gay, Jim?”

He straightened up, startled. “No! I mean...” He sighed when Chris raised his eyebrows at him. “I don't know. Both?”

“Exactly. So what makes you fall for someone? Want someone? Tits, ass, a killer smile?”

He flashed his teeth suggestively and James couldn't help laughing. The question did however touch at something he had to admit he'd been thinking of himself repeatedly these last years. He took his time, pulling a deep drag from the joint before passing it over, eyebrows drawn into a frown as he tried to concentrate through the fog of smoke. Finally he shook his head and looked up at Chris who had been watching him with a look of curiosity in his eyes.

“Don't know. A woman can be the most beautiful one in the room and not do anything for me and at the same time an ordinary looking guy can blow my socks off. And the other way around. There's just something, you know. Chemistry, I guess.”

“Right. Yeah.” Chris nodded. “And since when did chemistry give a fuck about gender? It's all just molecules and shit anyway.”

James laughed. “You should write an article, man. Everybody's loving gay cowboys these days.”

“Shut up.” Chris elbowed him playfully, and they shared a laugh before falling into silence, Chris nodding his head slowly as if he was having an inner monologue, being in total agreement with himself.

The thought made James smile and he closed his eyes, feeling the heat of Chris' thigh against his and maybe it was the dope or the booze but he felt more content than he'd been in months. Just sitting here, smoking with someone who knew, who'd been there and wouldn't bust your balls about it. Much.

This was what he'd been missing. This.. comfort. This feeling that things might not be too great, but when it came down to it, what the fuck did it matter? You had what you had and didn't let the not-having things bring you down. This was good. This was just fi-

A warm hand suddenly grabbed his neck, pulling him to the side and when he opened his eyes he found himself sharing breath with Chris, their foreheads pressed together, noses touching. Eyes dark and unreadable, staring into his. James hitched his breath and that was all the encouragement Chris needed apparently, because just like that he was kissing James hard, fingers curling at his neck, tongue tasting every inch of his mouth.

Christ! The room started spinning so James closed his eyes, opening his mouth as the kiss became sloppier, more demanding. His heart was beating fast in his chest and his dick was practically bursting out of his jeans, to the point that when a warm palm started kneading him, he flung his eyes open and bucked into the touch, his moan desperate and whorish.

Chris pulled back, staring at James like he was thinking of eating him whole. “Shit, Jimmy. Fuck.”

He only just managed to breathe, “Yeah,” and lick his lips before Chris was over him again, biting his neck as he palmed his dick, making him gasp out loud. He shivered as Chris licked a long stroke up his neck, then bit him again, lips wet and hard against his skin. His belt was unhooked and loose in a matter of seconds and before he could form a coherent thought along the lines of 'what the fuck am I doing?', there was the sound of a zipper sliding down and he groaned as the almost painful pressure was released from his cock. Then practically whimpered when Chris grabbed his dick in a tight grip, pulling it out and starting jerking him off in steady strokes, heavy breath brushing his ear.

“You like that, huh? Right here, right now. Hearing these bitches moaning all around you. Bet they'd want you too. Bet all I'd have to do is whistle and they'd be in here, lining up to fuck you. Those young boys, practically puppies. Nothing but muscles and smooth skin and enough stamina to leave you totally fucked out, dead for weeks after they're done.”

“Jesus Christ, Chris!” He bucked, gritting his teeth as the strokes got faster, harder. Chris moved up, crawling on top of him, letting go for a moment to pull down his zipper and spit in his hand and then he was holding both their cocks in his slick palm, stroking them furiously.

“You feel old, Jimmy? Want to breathe in that youth, taste it on your tongue? Teach those pricks a thing or two? You could, you know. You could fuck them all. Fuck. Them. All.” Chris stabbed his tongue into James' ear and that was all he needed.

“Aah... shit!” He was coming, bucking and whimpering as he spilled over Chris' hand until it ran through his fingers and onto James' stomach. Chris kept pumping until James was shuddering and wincing from the sensitivity, then he grunted, adding to the mess as his eyes squeezed shut and his lips parted in a silent groan.

After a while of heavy breathing Chris let go of the now soft cocks and wiped his fingers on James' stomach, the smirk back in place although his eyes were still wild. James rolled his eyes and grabbed him by the neck, twisting the long hair in his fist as he brought Chris in for a hard kiss, then abruptly let him go, gasping for breath. Chris rolled over, sprawling beside James on the couch and they both stared up at the ceiling.

“That was...”

“Yeah.”

Chris chuckled and looked over at James, raising his hand to stroke James' cheek with his knuckles. “You wanna go somewhere more private?”

James stilled, swallowing in sudden nervousness. “Man, I don't know.”

Chris drew back and nodded. “Right. Yeah. _He_ might still show up.”

“It's not that. Okay, so it's partly that but...” He closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch, wincing as he tucked his cock back in. “I _am_ too old for this, Chris. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing here.”

“Making out like a teenager?”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah. But-”

“Hoping?”

“Too old for that too.” He opened his eyes and sat up. “Thanks, man. For everything, not just...” He inclined his head awkwardly. “Really, I mean it. It was... yeah. But I think I should get going.” He stood up, adjusting his still sensitive cock in his jeans.

“Sure. No problem.” Chris got up as well, pulling up his jeans and tugging his shirt in before walking James to the door, waiting while he put his jacket on. “It's not like it was, is it? Fuck, I miss that. We did one hell of a show.”

“We did. It was a great team.” James paused, running his fingers through his hair. “We'll never have that again, will we?”

 

Chris gave him a sympathetic look. “No. I don't think we will. You gonna be okay?”

“I don't know.” He caught himself. “I mean, sure. It could be worse, you know. At least I got to play the villain again.” He grinned.

Chris sighed. “Yeah, while I've been wasting my fucking time playing a pussy whipped housewife.” He shrugged. “Thank god, they killed me in that last episode. Unless there're flashbacks, I never have to see that whiny bitch again.”

James laughed. “So she's as boring as she looks?”

“Worse.” Chris smiled but then his face turned sombre. “Listen, if you want me to, I can talk to Dave and...”

“Chris, no. Thanks but no.”

“You sure?”

“No. So don't tempt me.”

“Right.” Chris gave him a wicked grin. “If he does finally show his pretty face, I'll tell him you just left with Chad and from what it looked like you weren't coming back.”

“Chad?”

“Tall, ugly, total asshole. We left him passed out on Jared's couch.” Chris smirked. “Dave hates his guts 'cause he keeps talking about Jaime's Playboy years.”

James couldn't help laughing. “You're evil, you know that?”

“And that's why they love me.” Chris suddenly grabbed James by the neck and pulled him in for a hard kiss, tickling James' throat with his tongue before releasing him, breathing heavily into James' mouth. “You sure you don't wanna fuck?”

“Jesus! Fuck, Chris.”

Chris yanked at his belt, pulling him closer. “If you want. Fuck me, fuck you...don't really care which way.”

Shit. Yes! No! Fuck. “I...”

A loud banging on the door made James jump away. He stared at the door, suddenly feeling anything but ready to see the man he'd been waiting for all night. “Shit.”

Chris almost looked regretful. “Yeah.” He frowned. “Man, if you wanna slip away, I can probably keep him back for a few minutes.”

“Shit. I don't know. Fuck.” Another loud banging followed by Mike yelling 'Open the fucking door, guys!' had him shifting his eyes nervously from the door to the living room where a slide door lead out into the back yard. Finally he swallowed. “No.” He gave Chris an apologetic smile. “Sorry, man. Another time?”

Chris grinned. “Sure. I wouldn't say no to that.” He leaned over and kissed James hard before suddenly dropping to his knees, lifting James' shirt. James gasped as a warm tongue licked and sucked on his stomach and he had to grasp for the wall to keep from doubling over. It took him a while to realise what exactly Chris was doing and when it hit him he blushed with guilt, towards Chris or Dave he wasn't sure.

As the banging started up again Chris rose to his feet, licking his lips, before wiping his wet face with the sleeve of his shirt. James just stared at him, no idea what to say. “Shit, Chris...”

“Not a shower and a breathmint but you know our Dave, he's dense.” Chris winked. “You might just get away with it.”

“I'll probably tell him anyway.”

“I figured as much. Still no reason to rub it in his face.” Chris grinned before turning swiftly and walking back into the living room, loudly demanding that they 'Stop eating each other's fucking faces!' and 'How about some real shit to smoke, you fucking bitches.'

James took a deep breath and then reached forward to open the door. Dave was standing outside, fist raised to attack the thick wood once again. He blinked, staring at James and then his hand dropped.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Chris said...”

“I know.” James stepped out and closed the door behind him. “Wanna get out of here?”

David stared at him, then nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

They stood still though, gazing at each other for a long time, but then James smiled. “We're way too old for this kind of party anyway.”

David grinned and put his arm over James shoulders, steering him toward the car. “Not old. Just experienced.”

James laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Been there, done that...”

Ready to move on.

fin

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say that this fic is old enough that when James says, “Yeah, well. Vampire, man. That's never uncool.” he (and I) had no idea that someone was inventing sparkling ones. ;)


End file.
